Keep It Spicy: 6 Ways Husbands Can Keep The Romance LIT in a Marriage

Men, remember when you first started dating or first got engaged and you were doing everything in your power to “woo” your lady? You would roll out the red carpet with flowers, candy, dates, gifts and all types of things.

Then, somewhere down the road you started to fall off a little, and started to get a little too comfortable. As the months and years passed, the romantic gestures started fading away and eventually romance became more fantasy than reality for your lady.

We often hear about men who complain about their wives not wanting to have sex as much as they used to or not doing what they want, but if we were to be honest on both sides sometimes men fall off as well when it comes to the art of seduction and romance. A lot of what goes on outside of the bedroom can directly impact what goes on inside the bedroom. Don’t get me wrong – sex isn’t the end all be all to a marriage, but if you’re not careful, a lack of romance and intimacy can lead to a lackluster sex life and marriage.

The ladies have been armed with a few tricks to help spice up the bedroom (“Keep It Spicy: 5 Sexy Ideas Your Husband Will Love“), but let’s talk about how men can do their part – inside and outside of the bedroom.

1. Add these two words to your vocabulary: “Just because.”

Fellas, when was the last time you did something for your wife just because and not because you felt guilty or it was an anniversary or special occasion? If it’s been awhile, then it may be time send her some flowers or an edible arrangement to her job. Surprise her one day and take her out to lunch or shopping, or plan a special “date night.”

Do it the ol’ school way and give her a handwritten love letter and list all of the reasons why you love her. Drop off the kids at the babysitter and plan a romantic evening. When she comes home from work, give her a foot rub or a back rub. No matter what it is, find a way to do something, but for no other reason at all other than to show her that you appreciate her. You never know, it may help encourage your woman to do something extra nice for you “just because.”

2. Create an alluring ambiance.

Coming home to a messy kitchen, messy living room or messy bedroom with laundry or the kids’ toys everywhere isn’t always the ideal atmosphere, and it definitely doesn’t help set the mood. Consider doing a little extra to make sure the house is clean. It will be one less thing your wife has to think about when she comes home from work. You may be surprised to know how much it turns some of us on when we see our men helping out around the house.

Pull out some candles or other sweet aromas. Lay out some rose-petals, serve some chocolate covered strawberries/fruit or wine. All of these can definitely help create a romantic atmosphere. It’s not always realistic that this will happen every day, but e every now and then your wife will appreciate the fact that you put in some effort.

3. Relax her mind.

Studies have shown that sometimes it takes a little more mentally and emotionally to get women aroused especially after they’ve arrived home from a long day of work or taking care of the kids.

During a couples’ event a few years ago, Dr. Rachel Ross, a sexologist, explained how for a lot of women their minds are preoccupied with so many things. Hence, it’s hard for some women to get physically aroused because we’re so emotionally wired or dealing with normal life stress. When it comes to sexual pleasure, some women have to go to a place mentally before they can go somewhere with you physically. Women want to feel relaxed and physically free.

Find out what truly relaxes your wife’s mind and be proactive about it. Think of it as the “pleasure principle” – if you please her emotionally and mentally, then she’ll be even more ready and willing to please you physically.

4. Try to stay “so fresh and so clean.”

In addition to dressing nice and looking nice, fresh breath, a fresh shave and fresh cologne can really help turn up the heat. During a marriage conference, one of the ministers talked about and admitted how sometimes men should take a few extra moments to make sure they’re “fresh”. He explained how they can’t expect their wives to be all up into them when they’re too sweaty or too musty all the time. A short shower can go a long way and even lead to a long night (if you know what I mean).

Women appreciate a hard-working man who isn’t afraid to get down and dirty, but I know many women also appreciate the scent of a fresh and clean man when it’s time for the “main event.” Besides, the hotter you look and the better you smell, the harder it’ll be for your woman to resist you.

5. Stimulate her body.

Foreplay can go a long way. It’s basically the gateway that leads to sexual interplay. Some physical touch and even a little “dirty talk” can easily get the party started. There’s nothing like the touch of your husband, whether it’s a soft touch, strong hug, sweet caress or a long, passionate kiss, that can stimulate a woman’s mind and body. Whether you need oils, chocolate, whip cream, games or whatever, do what you can to help get the party started. It only takes a spark to light a fire, so light it up!

6. Consider her needs and desires in the bedroom. 

Contrary to popular belief, women have needs too and marriage is a two-way street when it comes to sex and orgasms. If you haven’t done so already, take the time, whether it’s before or during sex, and find out what makes your wife reach that magical place.

How does she like the “motion in the ocean” – does she like it fast, or slow and steady? Maybe she likes a certain position, certain motion, or a certain technique? Maybe it’s time to change things up a bit and try something new.

At the end of the day, communication is key to understanding each other’s needs in the bedroom, along with closeness, compromise and creativity. They’re what I like to call the “4 C’s of Sexual Spontaneity” – all of which can help ensure sexual satisfaction for both spouses.